Overlord V10 Drama CD

So I finally got around to translating the translation of the v10 drama CD. Some brave heroes will get around to subbing it, I'm sure. In the meantime:

Human-Understanding Tabletop Game

https://www.bilibili.com/video/av28925228

Audio Source: 黒輪
JP > CN Translation: 夜の無 缺錢 黎明の暗 黒輪
Editing: 黒輪

Satoru: The Librarian...

Satoru: Good, he's not here.

Satoru: I'd better take this chance to return the business books.

Satoru: Everyone's dreams would be crushed if they found out I was reading these.

Satoru: Haaaa... this is weighing down on me.

Satoru: I ought to be playing games at a time like this, but...

Satoru: Ahhh, let's just find a relaxing book.

Satoru: Still, what should I do?

Satoru: When I think about the future

Satoru: It seems Nazarick will have to engage more actively with the people of this world.

Satoru: But... this place is full of people who either look down on human beings or take them lightly.

Satoru: At the very least, they need to be able to pretend to smile and laugh with human beings.

Satoru: More importantly, not all human beings are weak.

Satoru: Underestimating them could be very dangerous.

Satoru: I hope they can lower their standards when dealing with humans.

Satoru: Oh!

Satoru: Is this... a rulebook for a tabletop game?

Satoru: It's from long ago, the kind that doesn't need a computer!

Satoru: Someone must have gone out of their way to convert the rules into a YGGDRASIL book once the copyright ran out.

Satoru: Who knows, maybe Tabula Smaragdina-san was the one who brought it in.

Satoru: He did say that he liked this sort of thing.

Satoru: Hang on... I've got a great idea!

***

Ainz: ALbedo, Demiurge, Shalltear, Aura, Mare.

Ainz: You're all here.

Ainz: Thank you for gathering here despite being so busy.

Demiurge: The Supreme One - that is to say you, Ainz-sama - has but to give the order-

Chair: I thought we would have the usual members here

Chair: But it seems Sebas and Cocytus are absent

Ainz: Mm. That's because the game can have a maximum of five players.

Albedo: A maximum number of players?

Albedo: Ainz-sama, may I ask what you intend?

Ainz: I have considered that the day might come when you need to build deeper relationships with the people of this world.

Ainz: I would like you all to better understand human beings, in preparation for that day.

Aura: You say that, Ainz-sama...

Aura: But is there a need to understand them?

Ainz: Aura. When you direct your magical beasts

Ainz: You understand their temperament and special features, their strengths and weaknesses.

Ainz: What they want, what they hate and all other sorts of information can be put to good use when handling them.

Ainz: The same thing applies to humans.

Aura: But humans are much weaker than magical beasts. They're so weak that they're hardly useful at all.

Ainz: That is true for the vast majority of humans.

Ainz: But this world contains powers which are unknown to us.

Ainz: Things like talents, martial arts, and the like.

Ainz: For all we know, there might be humans out there who are more powerful than us.

Chair: Surely you jest.

Ainz: Who knows... underestimating the inhabitants of this world could be dangerous.

Ainz: I trust you know that from personal experience, Shalltear.

Chair: ...I sincerely apologize.

Ainz: It's fine. The fault was mine as well.

Ainz: While I said that we ought to be careful of the unknown beings in this world

Ainz: The truth is that I was arrogant as well.

Demiurge: So if we do not regard all human beings as inferior beings

Demiurge: But calmly ascertain their abilities, we will not expose any weaknesses for them to exploit.

Demiurge: Is that what you wish us to understand?

Ainz: Indeed. Therefore, there is a need to better understand human beings.

Mare: But... how will we do this?

Mare: Are we going to disguise ourselves as humans and go to their city like you did, Ainz-sama?

Ainz: That's not a bad idea, Mare.

Ainz: But I was thinking that we ought to start with a little practice session first.

Ainz: And that is why we have this.

Aura: What kind of book is this? "Hack and Slash Adventure?"

Ainz: It is a tabletop game, one of many.

Ainz: The players assume the role of human warriors or spellcasters and so on.

Ainz: They then use their abilities to go on adventures.

Demiurge: I see, so that's what it is.

Mare: What do you mean?

Albedo: That is to say, the best way to understand human beings is to become one.

Ainz: Indeed. You all possess powers far beyond those of humanity.

Ainz: It is that confidence in your own power

Ainz: Which might affect your judgement at times.

Ainz: Therefore, I would like you to put aside that power

Ainz: And try to stand on the same level as human beings.

Ainz: Now then, these are the characters you will be using.

Aura: Ahh~ there's all sorts of things written on this piece of paper.

Aura: I'm a... thief?

Ainz: They are characters who excel at finding and disarming traps.

Ainz: You have a bow and a shortsword.

Ainz: You can also use Special Skills in combat.

Aura: I see, I see.

Aura: So we have to do our best with the abilities written on this piece of paper, then?

Aura: That sounds fun!

Mare: It seems I'm a priest.

Ainz: They are characters who possess healing magic.

Ainz: Knowing when and who to heal can decide the course of a battle.

Ainz: But given that you're a druid, I probably sound like I'm teaching a fish to swim.

Mare: C-certainly not! Ah... I'll do my best.

Chair: I'm a... mystic warrior?

Ainz: They are versatile characters who can use spells and swords at the same time.

Ainz: Their base stats are low, but that also means that they can adapt to various combat situations.

Ainz: You ought to be able to make good use of one, Shalltear.

Chair: Yes! I gladly accept this charge!

Demiurge: And I am a magic-user.

Ainz: They are characters who can cast all kinds of spells.

Ainz: Though they are poor fighters, they can use powerful magic.

Ainz: Of course, being able to cast too many spells makes them difficult to use

Ainz: Demiurge, I trust that is not a problem for you?

Demiurge: Please leave it to me. I am certain that I will be able to meet your expectations.

Albedo: I am a warrior, but... ah, Ainz-sama

Albedo: This character has no skills or spells.

Ainz: Well... they are simple human warriors, after all.

Ainz: They have exceptional offensive and defensive power

Ainz: But they lack any special abilities.

Demiurge: Actually, according to Narberal's report

Demiurge: There are some human warriors who can't even use martial arts; trash, in other words.

Satoru: (She's not talking about me, right? It's not about me, right?)

Ainz: Our aim this time is to understand the weakness of human beings and understand how they feel.

Ainz: I apologize for this, but can you bear with it, Albedo?

Albedo: I would not dare say I am "bearing" with this!

Albedo: Forgive me, Ainz-sama - I will carry out this goal with all my might!

Ainz: I'm glad you understand.

Ainz: Then let the game begin.

Mare: Ah... is this a map of a village?

Ainz: Mm. The aim of this game is to clear all the maps you are given.

Ainz: The clear conditions differ with each map.

Aura: Clear... these maps? How do we do that?

Demiurge: Well, let's give it a go. It's better to do than to learn, after all.

Demiurge: Learning the win conditions is also part of the game.

Demiurge: Is it not, Ainz-sama?

Ainz: Exactly. Now, you are all human adventurers.

Ainz: As you can see from your abilities, you are rookies.

Ainz: During your journey, you come across a small village at twilight...

Ainz: And that is where the game begins.

Mare: A-ah... it's started...

Aura: Uh... what should we do?

Demiurge: Since we lack special abilities or magic items to allow us to go without sleep

Demiurge: I believe finding a place to rest for the night would be wise.

Chair: That said, I hope we can rest in a good room.

Chair: How about the biggest house, over here?

Albedo: Indeed. Let's go and look.

Ainz: Very well. You enter the village, and approach the large house in its center.

Ainz: A visibly aged man emerges from within.

Ainz: Now, what will you do?

Albedo: I kill him.

Ainz: Ah... eh?

Albedo: I kill him. I attack with my greatsword for 6 points of damage.

Satoru: (Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh!??)

Ainz: W-wait a moment, Albedo.

Ainz: Tell me one thing first. Why do you want to kill him?

Albedo: Naturally, it is to secure a place for us to rest.

Albedo: All humans who get in the way of that must be eliminated.

Aura: So it's a "search and destroy" kind of deal? Then I'll start from the right side.

Chair: I'll handle the left.

Satoru: (What the hell, they're starting with this!? As I thought, their moral values are totally different from regular people!)

Satoru: (What should I do...)

Satoru: (If they kill him here, the plot is good and fucked!)

Mare: Say, onee-chan.

Aura: What is it, Mare? You want to help on the right too?

Mare: No... but if we run wild here here and fight the people in the village

Mare: Do you think we can win as we are?

All: Hmm...

Satoru: (Nice work, Mare! Long live the level-headed types!)

Demiurge: Just as mare says, we are now merely rookie adventurers.

Demiurge: We're sure to lose if several hundred villagers surround us.

Demiurge: It is unwise to decide our strategy based on our original abilities.

Albedo: Indeed. It seems I made my decision with my original mindset.

Satoru: (That's right! You mustn't!)

Satoru: (That's Albedo for you - she changes tack so quickly!)

Albedo: We ought to conquer the house as soon as possible and then erect a barricade.

Albedo: Using that as a base of operations, we will then proceed to pacify the village in safety.

Satoru: (That's not the point!)

Mare: Can't we just ask then to let us stay?

Albedo: We are proud guardians of Nazarick.

Albedo: Do you expect us to bow and scrape to mere humans?

Albedo: Doing so would sully the reputation of Ainz-sama.

Aura: That would be true normally, but...

Aura: RIght now we're just normal human adventurers, right?

Albedo: That is true...

Chair: Still... it doesn't sit well with me.

Demiurge: Certainly we cannot bow to a mere human character.

Demiurge: However, what about bowing to a human character that is controlled by Ainz-sama and asking him to take us in?

Demiurge: What do you think of that?

Albedo and Chair: Ainz-sama! Please take us into your room!

Ainz: The old man nods...

Ainz: The old man, mind you.

Ainz (as old man): Ah, ahem... you want to stay the night, then?

Ainz (as old man): Of course, there is a task I wish to ask of you as well...

Everyone: Please command us as you wish, Ainz-sama!

Ainz: Ah, hang on, I was speaking in character just now.

Ainz: There's no need to bow and scrape.

Ainz (as old man): I am the chief of this village.

Ainz (as village chief): Recently, the Goblins from the nearby caves have been giving us headaches.

Ainz (as village chief): If you could destroy them for us, we will provide you with beds and a reward.

Aura: Ah, Goblins, is it. That's a piece of cake!

Albedo: Of course we accept, Ainz-sama.

Satoru: (Did you hear anything I said?)

Ainz: By accepting the village chief's request, you have cleared this map.

Demiurge: I see.

Demiurge: It would seem the objective of this game is to complete a story of some kind.

Demiurge: Thus, the win conditions of each map have been designed in accordance with that.

Chair: That is to say, we should proceed with the story as soon as possible?

Demiurge: Simply put, yes.

***

Ainz: The next map shows the path leading to the Goblin caves.

Ainz: It is a wide dirt track.

Mare: Hmm... doesn't look like there's anything suspicious there...

Aura: In any case, let's go all the way in first!

Ainz: As you proceed down the track

Ainz: A group of armed men jump out from the sides of the road all of a sudden.

Ainz: By the looks of them, they're probably bandits who waylay passers-by.

Albedo: I walk up and ask them what they want.

Ainz (as bandit): If ya wanna live, leave all yer stuff behind!

Ainz (as bandit): Start by ditching yer weapons and then take off all ya clothes!

Everyone: Ah...

Satoru: (Oh crap, I got carried away and ended up talking in the bandit's voice!)

Satoru: (Uwah! Uwaaahhhh! This is super embarrassing!)

Satoru: (Don't go all silent like "What the hell is this guy saying" or whatever!)

Satoru: (Dammit! Shouldn't this amount of embarrassment have been suppressed already!?)

Albedo: Ainz-sama...

Ainz: W-what is it?

Albedo: To think you would tell me to strip down in a place like this...

ALbedo: How bold you are!

Albedo: Of course, if possible I would prefer it to happen when the two of us are alone...

Albedo: But this is what you wish, Ainz-sama...

ALbedo: Then how could I, as a succubus, fail to fulfil your desire!?

Satoru: (Is that it!?)

Chair: W-w-wait! It's not as though those words were for Albedo alone!

Demiurge: So you are saying that Ainz-sama wishes me to disrobe as well, then?

Chair: Eh?

Ainz: The bandit! The bandit's saying that!

Ainz: You must not take off your clothes! That'll cause all kinds of problems!

Aura: In any case, we need to take care of these bandits, right?

Mare: That's true. This is probably... the win condition for this map, right?

Ainz: *ahem* Then, we'll start combat.

Ainz: Everyone declare your actions, starting from the person with the highest Dexterity.

Demiurge: Ainz-sama, what are the enemies' numbers?

Ainz: There are six of them in total. They are all armed and equipped the same way.

Aura: The person with the highest Dexterity is... me, right?

Aura: I shoot with my bow~ though I only did 4 damage

Aura: I'm also using the thief skill Vital Strike

Aura: Which lowers the enemy's defense by 3 points.

Ainz: His defense is 1. Because of Vital Strike's effect, his defense is now 0.

Ainz: The result is that you successfully deal 4 points of damage to the bandit's hit points.

Ainz: One of the bandits howls in pain after taking the well-placed attack.

Chair: I'm next.

Chair: I approach the bandit that Aura didn't attack and attack him with my broadsword.

Chair: That hits for 4, and then I cast a [Flame Blade] spell to imbue it with fire

Chair: That adds an additional 2 damage for a total of 6 damage.

Ainz: After subtracting his 1 point of defense, the bandit takes 5 points of of damage.

Ainz: After being struck by the flaming sword, the bandit collapses to the ground with a thud.

Ainz: This leaves 5 of them.

Albedo: I'm next. I use my greatsword and attack for 6 points of damage.

Ainz: That also causes 5 points of damage. The weight two-handed swords whistles through the air

Ainz: And decapitates the bandit. Four left.

Chair: Ehhh~ she can do 6 damage without doing anything?

Chair: Isn't that a bit unfair?

Albedo: What's wrong with that? In exchange, I can't use spells or special skills.

Ainz: Now it's time for the bandits to strike back. They focus on Shalltear and ALbedo, who are standing in front of them.

Ainz: Each of them takes two attacks, for 3 points of damage per hit.

Albedo: My armor's defense reduces damage by 2, so in the end I take 2 points of damage.

Chair: My defense reduces damage by 1, so I take 4 points of damage in total.

Mare: It's my turn next... should I use a healing spell to heal your wounds?

Albedo: It's fine, Mare. I have a maximum of 20 hit points.

Chair: That's a lot! I only have 14 points at most!

Albedo: Kufu~ That's the difference between how much Ainz-sama dotes on us~

Chair: Ara ara~ I wonder about that.

Chair: Perhaps it means that a COW whose only virtue is a big chest

Chair: Is perfectly suited to be a brutish warrior.

Albedo: You're also very well-suited to the class of magic knight.

Albedo: Using petty tricks to make up for your weakness

Albedo: Is right up the alley of someone who stuffs things into their INADEQUATE chest.

Chair: You want to throw down, bitch!?

Mare: A-ahhh... I'll heal Shalltear's wounds.

Mare: Please recover 6 hit points.

Demiurge: Ainz-sama, I cast a [Flame Arrow] spell.

Demiurge: I deal 5 points of damage which ignores defense.

Ainz: The scorching bolt of magic streaks through the air and immolates one of the bandits.

Ainz: With that, everyone's completed their turn.

Ainz: We'll start again with you, Aura.

Aura: Okay~ I think I'm starting to understand how the game is played.

Aura: Time for my next attack!

***

Albedo: I attack for 6 points of damage.

Ainz: The final bandit falls to your attack.

Ainz: Combat ends. You've cleared the map.

Mare: It's over...

Chair: That took quite a while.

Aura: Albedo, how many HP do you have left?

Albedo: I'm at 14 out of 20.

Albedo: How pathetic. I can't believe I'm having so much trouble dealing with mere human bandits.

Mare: Ah, do you need healing?

Albedo: I do not, Mare.

Albedo: These wounds will be a reminder of my disgrace. I will keep them as they are.

Demiurge: Be honest with yourself and heal them.

Demiurge: We'll have a hard time if you fall.

Albedo: Gh!

Ainz: Also, you can search defeated opponents for items.

Ainz: You find some small gems on the bodies of the bandits.

Chair: Why would mere bandits have jewels on them?

Albedo: Perhaps they stole them from travellers.

Albedo: What an uncouth lot.

Aura: What a boring life, running a racket like that in a place like this.

Demiurge: We have been charged with the serving the Supreme One

Demiurge: But human beings were not born with such a purpose

Demiurge: Therefore, just like these bandits

Demiurge: There are countless humans out there who live meaningless, aimless lives like these bandits.

Mare: I… I see… it feels kind of sad that they have no goals in life...

Satoru: (Stop! Stop saying things that stab at Suzuki Satoru's heart!)

Demiurge: So at the very least we must make good use of these bandits.

Demiurge: Ainz-sama, I shall take part in stripping the corpses as well.

Ainz: You do know that the only things the bandits dropped were those jewels?

Demiurge: I would like to flay them.

Ainz: (Is that what you meant by stripping them!?)

(TL Note: the word hagitoru means to to strip or to rob, but its literal meaning is “to peel off”.)

Chair: What use could human hides be?

Demiurge: After molding and hardening, we could make leather armor out of them.

Mare: And then other people could use them too...

Mare: Perhaps then these bandits could rest in peace.

Satoru: (It feels like they'd curse you instead...)

***

Ainz: You head forward, and soon you reach an expansive lake.

Aura: A lake? Is something going to happen here too?

Ainz: You hear the sound of people talking coming from the direction of the lake.

Ainz: Things like "It's all because they took over the surrounding area" and "What a pain"

Ainz: And other bits and pieces of a conversation.

Chair: Are they victims of the Goblins?

Albedo: We might be able to learn something from them. Much as I'd like to listen in...

Ainz: Upon taking a closer look, you see several palm-sized fairies flitting around on the surface of the water.

Aura: Ah, fairies! Oi~

Ainz: As you call out to them

Ainz: The fairies shrink away, as though they've been frightened.

Ainz (as fairy): Kyaah! Humans! Everyone, the humans are here!

Everyone: Oh...

Satoru: (I knew it! I just knew it'd end up like this!)

Albedo: ...Ahhh...Ainz-sama's falsetto…

Chair: How moving!

Satoru: (Ehhhhh? You don’t mind that!?)

Satoru: (Don’t you think you’re being a bit too accepting!?)

Aura: “What’s wrong?” I was just calling out to them.

Ainz: The fairies are all scared stiff.

Ainz: If your character doesn’t have more than 4 Charisma, you won’t be able to have a conversation with them.

Albedo: A Charisma of 4+... does anyone fit that requirement?

Demiurge: Charisma… it seems it is the statistic that governs interaction and persuasion of others

Demiurge: That being the case, the profession which would favor such a statistic is…

Chair: Mare the priest?

Mare: A-ah, yes, my Charisma is 5.

Aura: Alright, we’ll leave it to you, Mare!

Mare: Er… ah… excuse me, fairies, but might I have a word?

Ainz (as fairy): We’ve got nothing to say to human beings!

Ainz (as fairy): Besides, humans are all jerks!

Mare: That’s not true! Humans have their good points too!

Ainz (as fairy): Like what?

Mare: Eh!? Ah, er… I… that…

Demiurge: If I may - their screams of despair are very pleasing to the ear.

Satoru: (Does that count as a good point…)

Demiurge: Also, their ability to speak and understand language makes them excellent subjects for torture.

Demiurge: Would that be better?

Chair: Well said!

Chair: Also, their blood tastes exceptionally good after you harry them to their wits’ end.

Aura: Somehow… I don’t think the fairies would be able to understand that.

Albedo: It would seem continuing on this angle of attack will be quite difficult.

Albedo: Mare, you should change tack.

Mare: Ah, then… if, if there’s anything troubling you, why don’t you tell us about it?

Mare: We’ll try and think of a way to solve it.

Ainz (as fairy): Really?

Ainz: Saying so, the fairies talk about their difficulties.

Ainz (as fairy): Actually, a bunch of crude humans took over the nearby area recently.

Ainz (as fairy): They took our treasure and said something about being able to exchange it for money.

Aura: Huh? Aren’t they...

Chair: The bandits from just now?

Albedo: It would seem that it was not the Goblins but the bandits who were giving them trouble.

Aura: This is a great chance, Mare!

Aura: Tell them we took out those bandits and make us look good!

Mare: Ah, Fairy-sans, we defeated those humans just now.

Ainz (as fairy): You won’t fool us! Humans are the best at tricking people!

Mare: Uuu… they don’t believe us… what should we do…

Aura: Suggestion! You should put on an improv show!

Mare: D-don’t talk nonsense, onee-chan!

Albedo: An improv performance from Mare… while I’d like to see it

Mare: I can’t! I’ve never done anything like that before!

Demiurge: A suggestion, if I may. How about doing Pandora’s Actor’s impressions of others?

Mare: I told you, I caaan’t!

Satoru: (So that’s how everyone else sees him…)

Mare: Uuuu… what should I do… what can Ido to make them believe me…

Satoru: (Do your best, Mare! I’ve already set up a Chekhov’s Gun for you!)

Mare: Ah, that’s right, if we showed them the drops from the bandits just now…

Satoru: (Yes, yes, that’s it! Good job, Mare!)

Mare: “See! Here’s the proof!” I say, and then I show them the skins of the bandits.

Satoru: (Why the hell did you take that out!?)

Mare: Hey, Fairy-sans, don’t you think these faces look familiar?

Satoru: (And you’re showing them their faces! That’s just gross!)

Ainz: ...The fairies…

Satoru: (...when he makes those abandoned puppy-dog eyes at me…)

Ainz: ..The fairies… hold tightly onto Mare’s fingers.

Ainz (as fairy): That’s them! Thank you for helping to defeat them!

Aura: Ohhh! You did it, Mare!

Mare: That, that’s great! I can’t believe it went that well…

Albedo: That was all your effort, Mare.

Chair: Well done!

Demiurge: Wonderful, wonderful.

Demiurge: Ah, dear fairies, these are the jewels we recovered from those bandits.

Satoru: (You should have taken those out in the first place!)

Ainz (as fairy): These gems are our stolen treasure

Ainz (as fairy): And you helped us get them back!

Ainz: The fairies weep tears of joy.

Aura: Good, good. Let’s ask about the Goblins.

Mare: Ah, then, ah, Fairy-sans

Mare: I’d like to ask about the Goblins who have their lair nearby.

Mare: Have you heard anything about them?

Ainz (as fairy): Of course we have!

Ainz: The Fairies tell you about the location of the Goblin Caves in great detail.

Ainz: As well as a secret path to get there.

Demiurge: This is good. It seems we will be able to launch an ambush.

Ainz: And with that, you have completed this map. Let’s move on to the next one.

***

Ainz: At last, you have arrived at the Goblin Caves.

Ainz: Two spear-wielding Goblins stand at the cave entrance.

Aura: Looks like they’re sentries.

Chair: If we can’t finish them off in one attack

Chair: They will probably alert the Goblins inside

Albedo: They’re about 100 meters away… Ainz-sama, has the enemy noticed us yet?

Ainz: No. If you want to launch an ambush, now would be the time.

Albedo: In that case, Aura and Demiurge

Albedo: Take one down each with your bow and your spells.

Albedo: If any escape, hunt them down with your spells, Shalltear.

Aura: OK~

Chair: Roger.

Satoru: (Oh~ I expected nothing less of Albedo, the Guardian Overseer)

Satoru: (She learned everyone’s strengths during the previous battle)

Satoru: (And immediately used that knowledge for tactical planning)

Demiurge: Before that, may I do something?

Demiurge: I would like to buff Aura’s attack power with a spell.

Ainz: Mm, go ahead.

Demiurge: Thank you very much. Now then… I increase her bow damage by 2 points ~kero

Ainz: Uh… kero?  (ribbit)

Demiurge: That is the price that must be paid for casting this spell ~ kero.

Demiurge: The player must end every sentence he speaks with ~kero until combat is over.

Demiurge: That is what it says here ~kero

Satoru: (Ahhhh there it is… a prank by whoever copied it…)

Satoru: (There were things like this in YGGDRASIL too, like the Mask of Jealousy and so on)

Albedo: I, on the other hand, would never do that.

Demiurge: What are you saying ~kero? One can increase damage by 2 points by simply adding ~kero to the end of every sentence.

Demiurge: What reason is there not to do so ~kero?
Chair: Speaking of which, why is it “~kero”?

Demiurge: The spell is called [Arrow-Frog Venom] ~kero.

Aura: And Arrow-Frogs go “~kerokero”.

Aura: Alright, I’ll attack with my bow. With the extra 2 points of damage, I do 6 points with my bow ~kero.

Chair: Aura, you don’t need to say ~kero as well, do you ~kero?

Mare: It’s spreading ~kero.

Chair: This feels surprisingly fun ~kero.

Demiurge: I will cast another [Flame Arrow] spell. That does 5 damage to the other one ~kero.

Ainz: Both of them are defeated ~kero.

Everyone: uh…

Satoru: (Come on, don’t go all quiet like that!)

Albedo: Ainz-sama!

AInz: W-what happened, Albedo?

Albedo: If the ~kero has even spread to you

Albedo: Then I too shall be infected by it ~kero!

Ainz: Ah, no, there’s no need to go to that extent… anyway, the combat’s over now.

Demiurge: Ah, Ainz-sama. May we retrieve the Goblins’ spears?

Ainz: Ah… um, do as you please.

Albedo: Then let us enter the cave without delay.

Ainz: Ah, hang on.

Ainz: The interior of the cave is pitch black. You won’t be able to see anything if you go in as you are.

Aura: Eh? We don’t have darkvision or anything?

Ainz: That’s because you’re humans.

Aura: Uwah~ Humans really are useless, aren’t they?

Chair: They’re probably better off as Vampires.

Mare: What point is there in living as a human?

Ainz: (Huh? Why does it feel like this became a game of seeing just how much humans suck...)

Demiurge: If it can’t be done, then it can’t be helped. I’ll get a torch.

Albedo: Aura and I will take point. Demiurge and Mare will be in the middle. Shalltear, I’ll leave the rear to you.

Chair: Yes yes~

Ainz: Now then, after you enter the cave, you see a long passage extending into its depths.

Demiurge: Ainz-sama, I would like to have Albedo hold one of the spears we took from the sentries.

Ainz: That is fine. Its attack power is 3; Albedo’s sword is still stronger.

Demiurge: It will be discarded during combat. Rather, there’s no telling what traps lie ahead of us.

Demiurge: I would like her to probe the ground ahead with the tip of the spear as we advance.

Demiurge: While I would have liked it to be about 10 feet long...

Satoru: (This devil really is into the details.)

Satoru: (Come to think of it, Ulbert-san was like that too.)

Satoru: (So was everyone in Ainz Ooal Gown, for that matter.)

Satoru: (I never thought the day would come when I’d be playing a game with the NPCs we made.)

Satoru: (Huh? When you think about it, isn’t that what’s happening now?)

Satoru: (The NPCs are players, while I - as a player - am running the NPCs.)

Albedo: Ainz-sama?

Ainz: Ah… no, it’s nothing.

Ainz: You carry on, and find a door ahead of you.

Albedo: I open it.

Aura: Eh, wai-

Ainz: You trigger a poison needle trap.

Ainz: Albedo takes 1 point of damage that ignores her defense.

Ainz: In addition, she gains the poisoned status.

Albedo: Eh?

Aura: Honestly… Don’t just rush in like that! You don’t have poison resistance now.

Aura: Wait until I check for traps first.

Aura: Come on, Mare, heal her up.

Mare: Uh… ah! I’ll cast a [Neutralize Poison] spell.

Albedo: I apologize. It seems I am still stuck in my usual mindset.

Chair: You usually have a poison-resistance item on you.

Mare: Uh… huh?

Aura: What’s wrong, Mare? Did something happen?

Mare: I was just thinking about the Goblins here

Mare: Do they have to disarm the trap each and every time they come and go?

Demiurge: It would be one thing if this were a treasure vault

Demiurge: But setting a trap like this on the sole passage leading from here to the entrance

Demiurge: Seems very inefficient to me.

Satoru: (Quit picking holes in the scenario!)

Satoru: (The writers probably didn’t consider little details like that either.)

Demiurge: Still, since Ainz-sama came up with this

Demiurge: There must be some deep, hidden meaning behind it that we cannot possibly fathom.

Satoru: (I didn’t come up with this!)

***

Chair: I attack with my broadsword for 4 points of damage.

Ainz: Mm. With that, all the Goblins in this room have been wiped out.

Aura: That last guy had ridiculously high attack power…

Mare: I’ll heal you, onee-chan.

Aura: Ah, thank you.

Demiurge: It distinctly did more damage than the other Goblins. That means…

Demiurge: Ainz-sama. Does that Goblin possess a magic weapon?

Ainz: Well done, Demiurge. Congratulations on spotting it.

Ainz: This Goblin’s greatsword is a magic weapon that increases damage by 1.

Albedo: We’ll take it!

Aura: Her eyes look super serious.

Albedo: It can’t be helped, can it? As a warrior, all I can do is attack.

Albedo: Ainz-sama, did anything else drop?

Ainz: There’s also a defense-buffing potion.

AInz: If you spend a turn drinking it,

Ainz: You will gain an additional point of defense until the end of the combat.

Albedo: It will definitely be beneficial

Albedo: But having to spend a turn on it seems kind of wasteful… Ainz-sama.

Ainz: Hm?

Albedo: If I hold the potion in my mouth like this

Albedo: And drink it when I enter combat, will I still have to spend a turn to do so?

Aura: That’s cheap.

Chair: That’s cheap.

Albedo: Gh… that’s for the sake of the party too!

Ainz: Ah… well, if you had cheek pouches like Hamsuke that might be doable.

Albedo: Cheek pouches…

Aura: Ahahaha, oh man, I just thought of Albedo with puffed-out cheeks…

Chair: Hahaha, so much for the dignity of the Guardian Overseer… Hahaha

Aura and Chair: Ahahaha~

Albedo: Urk…

Chair: Uh… Albedo?

Aura: Ah… are you mad?

Albedo: Does anyone have magic to make cheek pouches?

Aura: What the heck is up with a super-specific spell like that?

***

Aura: I use my lock-picking special skill!

Ainz: The lock opens with a click.

Mare: Onee-chan, you’re great!

Albedo: That’s a thief for you.

Aura: Hehe~ Now, what’s inside?

Ainz: After pushing open the massive door, you see a small room.

Ainz: It contains all manner of items.

Mare: Is it a storehouse?

Aura: Could it be a treasury?

Chair: Let’s search it!

Ainz: Your search reveals five potions.

Ainz: They are red, blue, white, black and yellow.

Albedo: Do we know what kind of potions they are?

Ainz: Unfortunately, there is no way to tell by sight.

Ainz: There is no other way to discover their effects other than by drinking them.

Aura: Then let’s each drink one and see how it goes.

Mare: Eh? I think we’d better not, onee-chan.

Aura: Don’t worry, it’ll be fine. Besides, it’s just a game.

Aura: Alright, Mare can have the blue one.

Mare: Er… I’ll drink it.

Ainz: After Mare drinks the blue potion…

Mare: After I drink it?

Ainz: You feel something strange about your body.

Ainz: Like you’ve lost something you should have and gained something you should not.

Ainz: What’s this! Your character’s gender has been reversed!

Ainz: So it seems.

Chair: A sex change!?

Aura: In other words… Mare’s a girl now?

Everyone: Er…

Albedo: ...I couldn’t help imagining it, but…

Albedo: It doesn’t seem particularly strange.

Chair: Indeed.

Demiurge: He usually dresses like one anyway.

Mare: Ehhhh… me, a girl? I don’t want that…

Albedo: It seems he doesn’t like it.

Mare: After all, Bukubukuchagama-sama made me as a boy…

Satoru: (Well, technically he’d still be a boy, just that it’d be spelled “trap” instead... )

Satoru: (But it’s true that making him a girl would be going against Chagama-san’s wishes.)

Aura: Well, it’s just a game after all. I’ll drink the yellow one~

Ainz: After drinking the yellow potion…

Aura: Oooh, what happens, what happens?

Ainz: Time marches on inexorably, and whether it is blessing or bane

Ainz: Your character ages by 10 years.

Aura: Eh?

Albedo: You would never want to drink that potion in the real world.

Aura: 10 years… 10 years, huh…

Aura: I have no idea what that must feel like, but…

Ainz: If Aura, as a human, were to a suddenly gain ten years of age…

Ainz: It feels like she’d be about the same as Albedo, no?

Mare: If I had someone like Albedo-sama as a big sister…

Adult Aura: Do not worry, Ainz-sama. Everything I do is for the sake of the Supreme One.

Ainz: Mm… mm…

Albedo: She sounds surprisingly like me.

Adult Aura: How do you do, Guardian Overseer-dono.

Aura: The 6th Floor is as peaceful today as ever.

Chair: She’s pretty much a different person now…

Adult Aura: Ara~ Shalltear, you’re as tiny as always.

Adult Aura: I feel a little embarrassed about having grown so much, be it my height or my chest.

Chair: Bitch, you want to be drained into a shrivelled husk!?

Albedo: Will we see Aura like that someday?

Aura: Well~ neither me nor Mare

Aura: Will stay children forever.

Ainz: I wonder what Mare would be like after he grows up?

Aura: See, Mare, Ainz-sama’s looking forward to it too!

Aura: Try talking in a grown-up way!

Mare: Ehhhh? But… I don’t know what to say if you tell me to do it all of a sudden…

Aura: It’s fine, it’s fine, just do your best!

Adult Mare: ...Honestly… Nee-san doesn’t change no matter how much time passes.

Everyone: Ohhh~

Mare: W-wait! That’s not me!

Aura: Eh?

Demiurge: Ah, do forgive me. That was ventriloquism on my part.

Chair: You!?

Demiurge: Male voices change, in roughly this part of the throat.

Demiurge: What we call the Adam’s Apple lowers the pitch of a man’s voice.

Mare: An Adam’s Apple...so even Dark Elves have those…

Aura: The… what apple again?

Demiurge: It seems to refer to the apple eaten by the first man, Adam. Apparently it is religious in nature.

Albedo: In other words, for us it would be…

Albedo: An Ainz’s Apple!

Satoru: (How the hell did you make the leap there!?)

Aura: An Ainz’s Apple!

(TL Note: The pun in JP is 喉仏 or literally "throat buddha". That won't fly at all so I reworked the pun. In the JP Demiurge talks about the Buddha being a religious figure and Albedo talks about a "Throat Ainz-sama" (since obviously Ainz-sama is superior to some fat fuck)

Chair: What’s that, I want one too!
AInz: Ah… more importantly, you still have three potions left over.

Chair: Then I shall drink the red one.

Chair: Who knows, I might grow an Ainz’s Apple!

Satoru: (Peroroncino-san would cry…)

Ainz: After drinking the red potion

Chair: What happens?

Ainz: Oh god! What you drank was not a potion, but a bomb!

Chair: Hah?

Ainz: From now on, you will explode if you take any fire damage.

Ainz: The explosion has the force of a [Fireball] spell.

Chair: What the hell!?

Aura: Uwah~ you got a really horrible pick…

Aura: Still, making her into a bomb is really out there…

Albedo: How much damage does a [Fireball] do?

Mare: Can your character cast it, Demiurge?

Demiurge: Ah, of course.

Demiurge: It does 12 damage to its target, ignoring defense. A powerful spell indeed.

Demiurge: In addition, it is an area-effect spell

Demiurge: So all nearby targets will take half that damage.

Albedo: Shalltear’s character has 14 HP, right?

Albedo: That means if she takes more than 2 points of fire damage

Albedo: And then takes the 12 points of damage from the explosion on top of that…

Albedo: She’ll be killed in one attack.

Demiurge: And everyone around her will be caught in it as well.

Aura: That’s pretty bad, I’m going to have my character stay away from hers.

Chair: W-well, it should be fine, we’re only going up against Goblins, right?

Chair: It’s not likely that I’ll take fire damage…

Demiurge: As long as you’re not in the blast of my [Fireballs].

Chair: Do it and I’ll fucking kill you!

Mare: A-ah… what should we do with the remaining potions?

Mare: If they all have similar effects…

Demiurge: No, it’s more likely that the remaining potions will have beneficial effects.

Mare: Huh? W-why is that?

Demiurge: Consider that of the five potions, two of them had gag effects while one had a tremendously negative effect.

Demiurge: If the game’s designer has any notion of the idea of balance

Demiurge: The remaining two potions will probably be positive in nature.

Demiurge: That would mean there are two gag potions, one negative one, and two positive ones.

Demiurge: Alternatively one might be gag and the other might be positive.

Demiurge: That would make for three gag potions, one negative potion and one positive potion.

Mare: I see… so you could think of things that way…

Satoru: (This line of thinking assumes the game writers were interested in game balance)

Satoru: (There were things like this in YGGDRASIL too..)

Satoru: (Although the devs would immediately screw it all up…)

Demiurge: Well, if I were one of the game’s creators

Demiurge: I would put two gag potions in and three negative ones.

Demiurge: The players would surely think “since the Goblins were guarding them in their treasury

Demiurge: At least one of them ought to be beneficial”

Demiurge: And then drink them all.

Albedo: So instead of having them all be negative, putting in two gag potions would be more effective, then?

Demiurge: That would lead to the player expectation that “There might be something good among them”.

Aura: Aieee, you’re devils, this is a conversation between devils~

Albedo: Let us pray that this game’s makers were not devils, then.

Chair: Anyone who’d put in a bomb potion must be a devil for sure!

Albedo: Ainz-sama, I shall take the white potion among the two that remain.

Ainz: After drinking the white potion…

Albedo: What happens?

Ainz: A surge of blazing power runs through your body.

Ainz: From now on, you will take 2 less fire damage from any source.

Albedo: Awright!

Chair: What!? If I’d known, I’d have drunk that one!

Ainz: Also…

Albedo: Also?

Ainz: Having drunk that Love Potion, you have awakened as a Warrior of Love.

Ainz: From now on, you must shout the name of a super move with the word LOVE in it whenever you attack.

Albedo: Love…?

Chair: Ahahahahaha! That’s so lame! Soooooo lame!

Mare: Does shouting the name help in any way?

Ainz: Not really.

Aura: So this is both helpful and a joke, then?

Albedo: In truth, you could say that it’s purely beneficial.

Albedo: Shouting about LOVE or whatever is hardly an issue. I AM a Succubus, after all.

Aura: Is that what Succubi really are?

Demiurge: I am truly glad I did not drink the white one.

Demiurge: That is the only one I cannot stomach under any circumstances.

Chair: Considering you can go ~kerokero with a perfectly straight face…

Chair: You can’t say LOVE or anything, can you?

Demiurge: Well, I am a demon, after all.

Demiurge: Saying such things hurts me.

Satoru: (Like hell they do!)

Demiurge: Now then, shall we move on?

Mare: Huh? Aren’t you drinking the black potion?

Demiurge: Hm… on second thought, I’d rather not.

Demiurge: It would seem this game’s designers are quite wicked.

Aura: Is there anyone else who wants to drink the potion?

Chair: I… I’ll pass.

Albedo: I don’t want to deal with any more weird side effects.

Mare: Let’s forget about it, onee-chan.

Aura: Hmm… While I’m pretty curious about what effects it has…

Aura: Oh well, let’s move on to the next area!

Satoru: (So nobody drank the black potion, huh…)

Satoru: (Speaking of which, what effects does it have, anyway?)

Satoru: (An explosive bite and a refreshing taste in the mouth. It’s a Coke, ~yo)

Satoru: (The hell’s with that ~yo, everyone would just stare and go “wat” when they see that potion!)

Satoru: (Have a care for me as the narrator!)

Satoru: (Ahh, I raged so hard that my emotion override triggered.)

***

Aura: Ahh… we’ve explored all the other paths…

Aura: So the room in front of us must be the last one.

Albedo: Thank you for mapping the area, Aura.

Aura: No problem. Mapmaking is a thief talent.

Demiurge: Since this is the last room, it will most likely contain the Goblins’ leader.

Demiurge: Proceed with caution.

Albedo: Indeed. Aura, please-

Everyone: Ah…

ALbedo: I’ll drink the defense-up potion before we open the door.

Aura: Alright, do what you like.

Albedo: I’m done. I’ll be opening the door now.

Ainz: After Albedo opens the door, you see a large room ahead of you.

Ainz: As the Goblins waiting inside hurriedly raise their weapons

Ainz: A gigantic shape slowly gets to its feet.

Ainz: It is over two meters tall and heavily muscled.  

Ainz: It holds a demonic sword that radiates a sinister glow.

Ainz: It snarls, baring an untidy row of fangs.

Ainz: The Goblin’s eyes blaze with a lust for slaughter.

Ainz: It roars like the sound of a gong.

Mare: S-sounds scary...

Chair: It’s just a Goblin, but after Ainz-sama’s description

Chair: It sounds like an extraordinary monster.

Albedo: In truth, he’s nothing like the enemies we’ve faced before.

Ainz: Indeed.

Ainz: The battle with the last boss of this map - the Goblin King - begins.

Aura: I’m first. I use Vital Strike to do 4 damage to it.

Aura: Also, I ignore 3 points of its defense.

Ainz: The Goblin King uses a skill: Fatal Evade

Ainz: This reduces the damage he takes by 3 points.

Aura: No way! He has skills too!?

Chair: Well, he’s no ordinary opponent.

Albedo: Shalltear, eliminate his lackeys

Albedo: We can’t let them gang up on Mare.

Chair: Roger!

Chair: I approach the Goblin minions and use [Flame Blade] for 6 damage.

Albedo: I’ll take on the Goblin King. I swing with my magic sword for 7 damage.

Ainz: The Goblin King strikes back.

Ainz: The Goblin King swings his sword and fire spews forth from its blade.

Ainz: His broadsword is one which automatically casts [Flame Blade].

Chair: Good thing I didn’t go there…

Ainz: Albedo, take 8 points of damage.

Albedo: He’s very strong, but at least I can use fire resistance to reduce the damage taken by 2.

Demiurge: I’m next. I cast [Fireball] on the Goblin King.

Ainz: That’s an area-effect spell. Albedo will take half its damage as well.

Demiurge: That’s fine. After all, Mare’s turn is next.

Demiurge: Also, it’s fire damage. Our priority should be damaging the boss.

Aura: Devilish~

Demiurge: I am a demon, after all. The Goblin King takes 12 damage

Demiurge: While Albedo takes 6 damage.

Albedo: It’s tactically sound, but it won’t sit well with your allies.

Mare: I’ll heal Albedo. Albedo, recover 6 HP.

Ainz: The last two Goblin lackeys attack Shalltear.

Ainz: She takes two 4 damage hits.

Chair: 6 damage in total. That hurts~

***

Albedo: Time to settle this!

Albedo: [AINZ LOVE ATTACK! ] for 7 damage

Chair: Lame

Aura: Laaaaame

Albedo: I don’t have a choice. Those are the rules.

Ainz: The enchanted greatsword scythes diagonally down on the Goblin King

Ainz: It howls in pain and staggers several steps back

Everyone: Ohhh…

Ainz: And then it keels over. The combat is finished.

Aura: Alright! We beat it!

Mare: That was close. I only had one more healing spell.

Chair: I only have 2 HP left…

Ainz: Very well done! And with that, this map is…

Demiurge: A moment please, Ainz-sama!

Ainz: Ah?

Albedo: What is it, Demiurge?

Demiurge: I have been thinking about something.

Demiurge: Why did the village chief ask us to eliminate the Goblins?

Ainz: (Eh?)

Demiurge: Surely he could have asked his liege to send his troops given that there were Goblins squatting nearby.

Demiurge: He must have been taken things too easy to leave it all to adventurers who happened to be passing by.

Ainz: (nonono, otherwise we wouldn’t even be able to get the adventure off the ground!)

Aura: Now that you mention it, that does seem to be the case.

Aura: Even Goblins must be really strong for the average villager.

Mare: But that village looked so peaceful…

Demiurge: Precisely, Mare. That was what stood out to me.

Demiurge: I was also quite surprised by the Goblins.

Demiurge: They set traps on the doors of their own cave.

Demiurge: That would mean they had been around for quite some time.

Demiurge: In that case, it would not be unusual for them to have destroyed the village in the process of hunting or foraging food to feed themselves.

Albedo: We killed 12 Goblins.

Albedo: Yet despite their numbers, there was no sign that they kept livestock or planted fields.

Albedo: I find that very suspicious too.

Satoru: (No… Ah… it’s just a game…)

Demiurge: And then the Goblins were so well-equipped that I could not help but find it odd.

Demiurge: Why would a mere Goblin tribe possess magic swords and potions?

Satoru: (Well, ah… the players are happier if the monsters drop better loot, right?)

Demiurge: At this point I am compelled to point out something.

Demiurge: Namely, that the village chief must have been secretly in league with the Goblins.

Satoru: (Eh!?)

Demiurge: On one hand, he offers his crops to the Goblins as a show of obedience.

Demiurge: Then he directs passing-by adventurers to the cave where they and the Goblins will kill each other.

Demiurge: After that, the Goblins scavenge the adventurers’ gear and give their wealth to the chief.

Demiurge: That’s their scheme. Besides, the Goblins have no use for human coinage.

Albedo: So this greatsword must have belonged to an adventurer who fell into the trap, then?

Albedo: But if that were the case…

Albedo: The Goblins should have noticed our approach.

Demiurge: Under normal circumstances, the village chief would have sent out a runner

Demiurge: Bearing a message like “Adventurers are coming” or something like that.

Demiurge: But this time…

Aura: Ah, could it be the bandits on the outskirts of the village?

Aura: Was that why the message didn’t make it through?

Demiurge: Correct. The bandits knew nothing of the arrangement and killed the messenger.

Demiurge: Thus the Goblins did not know we were coming and we wiped them out in an ambush.

Chair: I see… it all makes sense now.

Satoru: (No, wait, really?)

Satoru: (Isn’t this because Demiurge is too persuasive?)

Demiurge: Ainz-sama would never have us play a simple game of Goblin extermination.

Demiurge: He did so in order to see if we could discern the truth of the situation.

Demiurge: Am I correct, Ainz-sama?

Ainz: Huh?

Satoru: (No, how could that be? You’re just reading too deeply into things…)

Satoru: (But if I actually said that, both Demiurge and I would lose face…)

Satoru: (Ahhhh! At this point I’ve got no choice but to go with him!)

Ainz: I expected nothing less of you, Demiurge. Indeed, that was the case. You did well to realize it.

Demiurge: No no…  in truth there were many parts of the script which seemed unnatural to me.

Demiurge: Those were probably hints for us, am I wrong?

Ainz: Hm… yes, precisely! It seems I made the hints too obvious.

Demiurge: I am sure that if you were serious about the matter

Demiurge: Even we would not be able to see through your plans, Ainz-sama.

Demiurge: What a truly remarkable arrangement this was.

Ainz: Is that so? Hahahaha.

Demiurge: Hahahaha.

Aura: Well, let’s interrogate the Goblin King to be sure.

Albedo: A good point. We’ll force him to talk at swordpoint.

Ainz: Ah… mm.

Ainz: The fallen Goblin King shouts:

Ainz: “Curse that chief! He actually sold us out!”

Albedo: It would seem Demiurge’s reasoning was on the mark

Albedo: How dare the village chief take us for fools. He must pay for this.

Ainz: “Alright, I talked! Please spare my life!” the Goblin King says.

Albedo: He talks too much. I kill him.

Satoru: (Well, I expected that…)

***

Ainz: So… what will you do now?

Satoru: (That said, according to the original rules, they’ve already completed the adventure…)

Demiurge: We know the chief is the mastermind behind all this.

Demiurge: Let us rest and return to the village.

Demiurge: Then we shall burn the village down in the dead of the night.

Albedo: However many of these scum there are, they are ultimately still villagers.

Albedo: They will panic when their homes are burned in the middle of the night.

Demiurge: We will use this opportunity to attack the village chief’s home

Satoru: (Yay~ it’ll be a massacre~ hahahaha~)

Ainz: After igniting the houses, they catch fire one after the other.

Ainz: They burn merrily in the darkness of the night.

Ainz: Countless embers dance through the air in the village

Ainz: The awakened villagers are shocked by what they see and run in all directions, weeping and wailing.

Chair: Ahahahahaha, what fun~

Aura: Oi, you over there, don’t go all Blood Frenzy on us.

Demiurge: As planned, I approach the village chief’s house and launch a [Fireball] into it.

Ainz: Demiurge’s [Fireball] strikes the chief’s house dead center.

Ainz: It explodes with incredible force.

Ainz: The house is immediately immolated and collapses in the blink of an eye.

Aura: Tama-ya~

Mare: Kagi-ya~

(TL Note: "Tamaya" and "Kagiya" each refer to historical fireworks houses during the Edo period. Onlookers would cheer the name of each house as they shot fireworks into the sky.)

Satoru: (Where did they pick that up from?)

Ainz: And in the next moment…

Ainz: A mass of dark energy billows forth from inside the burning house

Demiurge: Oh~ my, my.

Ainz: From the flames emerges

Ainz: A demon, with jet-black skin and razor-sharp claws.

Ainz (as demon): How dare you… you really did it this time…

Ainz (as demon): Things being what they are, I will take care of you myself!

Satoru: (Ahhh! To hell with this! I’ll just make up a super strong boss!)

Demiurge: I see. So the village chief was actually a demon.
Demiurge: So he was toying with the humans and the Goblins? Well, this is a shame.

Aura: This is the end of your scheme!

Ainz (as demon): Play your petty tricks all you like. You’re nothing more than weak little humans.

Ainz (as demon): I’ll crush you with my strength!

Aura: Weak, huh… we’re really weak. What the hell are humans, anyway?

Chair: This roleplay session made me keenly realize that.

Satoru: (Oh don’t get all down now, of all times!)

Chair: Still, we made it all this way under our own power, as weak humans!

Satoru: (Oh!?)

Aura: That’s right! That’s why we can’t lose to this guy now!
Aura: We have to clear this game for the sake of Ainz-sama!

Mare: Mm! Everyone’s let’s gather our strength and beat him together!

Albedo: I’ll show you the true power of these so-called weak humans.

Satoru: (Ohhhh~ I have a good feeling about this!)

Demiurge: The likes of you demons are powerless before justice!

Satoru: (You know, those words sound terribly suspicious coming from you)

Satoru: (Or rather, it just sounds like an outright lie.)

Ainz: Now then, let us begin the final battle.

Ainz: Your enemy is a single Village Chief Demon!

Aura: Wow, that’s such a lazy name.

Chair: It must be because the game designer has crappy taste.

Aura: Isn’t it? I’m sure Ainz-sama would have given it a better name.

Ainz: Mm? What’s with the two of you?

Aura/Chair: No, nothing at all!

Ainz: I see. Then we’ll start with you, Aura.

Aura: As usual, I begin with Vital Strike to do 4 damage

Ainz: He takes it without flinching.

Ainz: However, that’s not nearly enough to give the Village Chief Demon any trouble.

Chair: I advance and attack! Because I’m using the Goblin King’s magic broadsword,

Chair: It automatically casts [Flame Blade] and I deal 6 damage!

Ainz: After subtracting his defense of 2 points, you deal a total of 4 points of damage. You’ll need to do better than that!

Albedo: I’ll join in too. [LOVE SLASH]!

Albedo: I deal 7 points of damage with my greatsword!

Ainz: Next!

Demiurge: I cast [Arrow-Frog Venom] on Aura’s bow and add 2 points of damage to her attacks ~kero.

Aura: Thank you ~kero!

Mare: I cast a protective spell on Albedo and Shalltear

Mare: It creates a shield that reduces the damage they take by 1 point.

Ainz: Now it is the Village Chief Demon’s turn.

Ainz (as Village Chief Demon): I’ll mow you all down!

Ainz: He swings his long tail

Ainz: Dealing 8 points of damage each to Shalltear and Albedo, who approached him.

Albedo: An area effect-attack? Not bad.

Ainz: Everyone has acted. We’ll start from Aura again.

Aura: Well, since Vital Strike didn’t work, I’ll use a normal bow attack.

Aura: It does 4+2 damage, for a total of 6 damage ~kero!

Chair: Since our opponent has high defense, I’ll cast [Acid Arrow] on him.

Chair: I deal 3 points of damage that ignores defense.

Chair: In addition, I lower his defense by 1 point for the duration of the combat.

Albedo: I immediately follow up with an attack. [LOVE SABER]!

Albedo: 7 points of damage!

Albedo: Thanks to Shalltear’s spell, I ought to add 1 more point to it.

Demiurge: I cast [Flame Arrow] to deal 5 points of defense-ignoring damage.

Ainz: You forgot your ~kero, ~kero.

Demiurge: Pardon me. 5 points of damage ~kero.

Mare: I, uh, who should I heal?

Albedo: Shalltear has lower HP - heal her instead.

Chair: I have an idea. Heal Albedo first.

Mare: Got it. I cast a healing spell and restore 6 of Albedo’s HP.

Ainz: It’s the Village Chief Demon’s turn.

Ainz: Just like before, he sweeps his tail and does 8 damage.

Albedo: Shalltear, are you alright?

Chair: Don’t worry, I’ve got 2 HP left.

Ainz: Onto the next turn, then. Aura, you’re up.

Aura: I shoot with my bow for 6 points

Chair: I cling to the Goblin King and stab myself with my sword!

(TL Note: This should probably be the Village Chief Demon… But that’s what Chair says… Also STELLAAAAAAAA)

Aura: Shalltear!?

Albedo: Don’t tell me you’re-!?

Shalltear: I won’t survive the next attack anyway, so I might as well-!
Mare: I see, that’s because your weapon automatically casts [Flame Blade]...

Ainz: Because she took fire damage, Shalltear’s body blew apart.

Ainz: At point blank range, the Village Chief Demon takes 12 points of damage which ignores defense

Ainz: His skin begins to crumble.

Ainz: But in exchange, Shalltear’s character dies.

Mare: Shalltear!

Shalltear: Please tell Ainz-sama…

Shalltear: That Shalltear fought right until the end... *cough*

Albedo, Aura, Mare: Shalltear!

Demiurge: I take my hat off to the portrayal of your death ~kero.. .after all, you did die recently.

Shalltear: Stop digging up old traumas!

Ainz: Hm? Shalltear, Albedo takes half the damage of that magic attack.

Shalltear: Eh? Ah! Sorry, Albedo!

Shalltear: Please take 6 points of damage that ignores defense~

Albedo: Shalltear!

Ainz (as Village Chief Demon): Uuuurgh… such resolve!

Ainz: The Village Chief Demon begins to falter.

Ainz (as Village Chief Demon): Rrrr… how, how can puny humans be so strong…

Albedo: Because of love!

Ainz: Love?

Albedo: As long as we have love for Ainz-sama within our hearts

Albedo: We will never be beaten by others. I’ll end things with this strike.

Albedo: [I Say I Want To Push Down Ainz-sama But Actually I Want To Get Pushed Down Instead LOVE TEMPEST!]

Aura: So basically you’re just trying to show off with the move name, but you’re actually full of despair now that you’ve said it.

Albedo: SHUT UP! I deal 7 points with my greatsword.

Ainz: Albedo’s attack cuts the Village Chief Demon down!

Ainz (as Village Chief Demon):Gwaaaaaaargggh!

Ainz (as Village Chief Demon): Ah.

Albedo: Hm?

Ainz: Sorry, he had 1 HP left.

Demiurge: Then I’ll cast a [Flame Arrow] ~kero. It does 5 points of damage ~kero.

Ainz: He’s dead.

Albedo: Gh…

Demiurge: Please don’t look at me like that ~kero.

***

Ainz: And with that, you’ve cleared the game. Well done!

Ainz: To think you actually uncovered the village chief’s true scheme.

Demiurge: I tremble in awe to receive your praise.

Demiurge: Also, that was not all we noticed, Ainz-sama.

Ainz: Hm? I see. It would appear you have learned a great deal from this game.

Albedo: Indeed. We have discovered that human beings are truly scum!

Ainz: Eh?

Aura: I kept thinking that they were weak and all, but I didn’t expect them to be so useless.

Mare: Yup yup.

Chair: They’re prey or fodder at best.

Satoru: (Wasn’t it going so well just now?)

Satoru: (You were all “witness the power of mankind” and all)

Ainz: Ahem, still, everyone

Ainz: Such humans still managed to defeat that demon, did they not?

Albedo: Yes, they did. Because of love.

Ainz: Love?

Albedo: Yes. They could put up a fight with such weak stats

Albedo: Because we Guardians, their players

Albedo: Have love and loyalty for you, Ainz-sama.

Ainz: Is… is that so?

Albedo: As Demiurge said,

Albedo: Humans are not like ourselves. They were not born with the purpose of serving the Supreme One.

Albedo: And if they continue living like that

Albedo: They will end up leading an empty existence like those bandits.

Albedo: However, by pledging allegiance to Ainz-sama

Albedo: By harboring love in their hearts and fighting for Ainz-sama

Albedo: Even such insignificant humans

Albedo: Can bring forth a strength which exceeds their own.

Demiurge: In that case, even humans can have a use.

Demiurge: I trust that is what you wanted us to take away from this, Ainz-sama?

Aura: After all, if we didn’t play this game

Aura: We’d simply dismiss humans as unimportant and kill them off.

Mare: Anyone from any race can be a comrade of ours as long as they have the same purpose as we do.

Mare: Even human beings. Right, nee-chan?

Chair: Well, if anyone’s audacious enough to not swear loyalty to Ainz-sama

Chair: It doesn’t matter what happens to them. Is that right?

Ainz: Eh, ah? Ah, yes!

Ainz: Well done, all of you. I have to hand it to you for realizing that.

Everyone: Truly, we expected nothing less of the Supreme One, Ainz-sama!

Satoru: (Somehow… it feels like the plan fell through)

Satoru: (Oh well, forget it. They look happy enough.)

Satoru: (I had fun myself.)

Satoru: (When I think about it, I haven’t played a game in a while…)

Satoru: (If I could meet another player in this world)

Satoru: (It might not be bad to sit down and play a game like this with them.)